I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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