we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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