so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
