I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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