Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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