he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
