Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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