You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
