I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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