I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
