My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
