every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize