he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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