Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my liver is dry heaving
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
