Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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