You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
