im about as happy as oj after his trial
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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