i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
