you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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