he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize