Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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