why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
