Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
