Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
