Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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