He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
