i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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