we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
