Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
