Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
