Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
