how can u be prego again
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize