i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
