your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
