he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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