the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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