if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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