So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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