Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize