And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
