If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
