Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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