Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
