Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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