No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
