I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
