Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize