her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize