I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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