textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
