how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
