I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
