I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
