You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
