remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
