$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
