My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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