I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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