So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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