My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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