One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize