im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
