"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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