omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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