That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
