I puked a lego.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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