he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
