Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
