Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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