My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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