Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
