I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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