I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
