Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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