i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
