The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Im part way to drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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