I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
