He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
