You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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