I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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