WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
