my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
