he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
