Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
