the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
