I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
