If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
