haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
