when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
