I'm gonna have a badass scar
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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