Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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