I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
