my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
