I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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