Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
