I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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