So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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