I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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