A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
organizing the empties. That sober.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
