if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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