So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
