I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
