I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
