Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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