She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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